An obssession - Good or Bad

An article I wrote for a local website http://www.think.com.my/ some time ago. I have reproduced it here again.

One day, it dawned on me: something in my life was amiss.

As practised in my religion, I’m vaguely mindful that my self-worth does not come from wealth and possessions. But my actions said otherwise. Habitual shopping had gathered an array of ‘but it was on sale’ jewelry and ‘I must have those’ handbags. There were rotted handbags, clothes with price tags still intact and shoes with brittle edges. According to my spouse, I had filled the closet with unimportance.

The fact that my other half pointed out my materialistic ways was rather ironic as well. Coming from someone obsessed with watches, cars, bikes and trucks—and obviously unable to stock up on the real thing—he made up for it with magazines. Thousands of magazines. Dating back to the 1970s. With five more new magazines every week.

And irregardless of gender—although it’s clear that men have the more expensive ‘hobbies’—I discovered how much our lives were ruled by cravings for more, more and more. Truth be told, our casual hobbies had become ferocious obsessions. How? And why?

A SPADE IS A SPADE
A friend of mine collects antique furniture. He travels to different parts of the world to obtain that piece of furniture if it’s what he’s been looking for. He scans through the Internet and if he sees something he really likes, he goes into an ‘I must have it’ moment. If he doesn’t get it, he goes into depression. Almost all the time, he gets it.

He calls it a hobby.

But truth be told, an obsession is an obsession. Far from merely being a state of mind that affects a select few, obsessive behaviour affects just about everyone at some time in his or her life. From fascinations as ordinary as glass objects and bonsai plants to those as controversial as gambling or sex, it is a case of insanity that comes and goes like the flu.

There is a fine line that separates desire and obsession. It is normal to desire a better job, a compatible mate or spiritual peace. A normal state of desire patiently pursues these things with an openness to change when other options come into grasp. Yet when we come to wanting something so intensely, the shift away from reason is almost unnoticeable. Obsessive behaviour causes us to lose our ability to patiently and objectively look at the facts for what they are and make sound decisions rather than compulsive reactions.

For example, desire says, “I’d like to be married, someday when the time is right.” Obsession however, says, “I want to get married. I will get married. I must get married. Oh look, here is a chance to get married. I’ll do it.”

THE DRIVE FOR SUCCESS
So is it bad to be obsessed with something? Anything?

Not really. In fact, what we often call ambition—the ‘drive for success’—is in fact a distant brother to obsession.

Take Thomas Edison, the man who discovered light. In his search for a suitable filament in the creation of the common light bulb, he tested over 3,000 different materials. Everything he used heated up and burned away in seconds as electric current passed through it. As the months passed, his family and friends (all of whom would have been accustomed to using gas lamps) would have considered this strange hobby a ridiculous, impossible obsession. They may have thought he was going mad.

But Edison was not mad—simply obsessed. He was determined to accomplish his goal, and eventually realised that it was not so much the wrong type of wire but the necessity to vacuum out the air within the bulb. He succeeded, and thankfully too.

It works the same for us. The same trait that destroys a life can also enhance it. When the obsession is for something generally admired, others may look upon it with a sense of wonder. However, when that obsession is for a goal that is not easily related to, it is seen as the beginnings of possible mental illness.

It even works with regards to material things. Take buying property. Logical rationale says that we cannot afford such an item presently. But what is wrong with investing in a house? Many of us have managed to own a house knowing that we will struggle to pay the monthly instalment, because we view it as a solid investment. Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad, Poor Dad states unequivocally that the only way to become rich is to do as the rich do, i.e., accumulate financial assets. Rich people buy assets; poor people buy liabilities.

* * * * *

Naturally, I sense a contradiction in myself in trying to justify material obsessions. I tell myself that it is reasonable for someone to be obsessed with great athletic achievement, curing cancer and social reform, yet I lack the conviction to follow such noble paths of desire.

But all is not lost for the average simpleton like me. I recently cleared my closet of those unused clothes and donated them to charity, friends and family. I have told myself that I can live without my material possessions, and that the things that matter most are whether I have been a good, kind and generous person to my loved ones.

And speaking of loved ones? I hope my husband will one day realise it too. For the moment, he’s still holding on to his old magazines.